Effective immediately, I will no longer move out of your way. Additionally, when we bump into each other, I will not apologize, or even recognize the fact that we collided. I will just continue on my way. For too long I have swerved my shoulders back and forth, maneuvering the not-so-crowded-that-these-fuckfaces-should-be-bumping-into-me-this-much streets. It ends today. And to you turdburgers with umbrellas and no sense of space, if your umbrella hits me in the face, I'll knock it right back. I hope you didn't spend too much on it.
There I said it. If you see a 6-3 260+ pound mid 20's dude with a goatee, look out, or hold your umbrella a little bit higher/lower. It very well might be me.