Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Audition: "Yellowtown Monster"

I had an audition last Saturday afternoon for a short film called "The Yellowtown Monster".  The sides were hilarious and I assume the rest of the script is as well.  I went out for the main character, the Monster.  He is 5,000 years old and is good friends with Bigfoot and Loch Ness etc.  He sees how they are getting all of the fame and subsequent success in life and has become very jealous. He decides to take a stab at Hollywood from what I can tell. 

The audition felt really great.  There were a lot of people in the room and I got a lot of laughs from the people on the other side of the table - which is always nice.  I would say a line/monologue one way and I'd receive positive feedback and then receive an adjustment.  "Excellent Phillip!  Now for this next take, instead of saying it like that....try it like..."  And that's what I did. 

I heard about this audition from a friend that I had cast in a previous production I was in.  It's always good to have friends like that! 

I read on someones facebook wall the other day that when you stop focusing on getting auditions and start focusing on building relationships, that is when your career gets a lift.  I'd have to agree with that idea.  Instead of having a mindset of "what have you done for me lately?", it is a lot better for you/friends/the world if you think more along the lines of "I'm going to do this for you and not expect anything in return".  I suppose many of the world's great philosophers, religious icons and leaders of industry have been saying and thinking the same thing all along.  Act because you want to act.  Audition because you love to audition.  Create because you need to create in order to survive. 

Friday, March 18, 2011

I was on TV this past Tuesday...

Here is the link.  Check it out.  I show up around 45 seconds.  Hope all is well.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Sans Acting

I haven't had an audition in around 3-4 weeks.  This has made me focus on earning money in real estate and on physical fitness.  We're all set to go to Savannah in 8 days or so.  That has intensified my work ethic over the last few days.  I want to close 2 real estate deals by the time we leave.  I've closed deals at that rate before.  What PhillyRay has done, PhillyRay can do. 

Yesterday I went to the aforementioned "meathead gym" in Astoria.  They have a revamped schedule, which includes (thank you Lord) a Thursday boxing class!  That is the perfect day of the week to have a boxing class with my schedule. The instructor is a grizzled Haitian man named Pierre.  He also has a class on Tuesdays from 730-830 called "Pierre's Torture Camp".  I find that class aptly named.  I'm banged up, dude. 

Today's gripe:  Why is it so hard to get a coffee without sugar?  I supposed I'll have to start reinforcing my order in Spanish....

"Coffee with milk and no sugar, please.  Cafe con leche SIN azucar, por favor....sin azucar."

"Como?  Sin Azucar?"

"Si.  Soy dulce bastantes."

Ah.  The pains of ordering coffee.  Esso si que es....

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Stuttering is......

I came across this article today on my morning commute and it's a vivid and accurate description of what it's like to stutter.  Stuttering has been in the news more this past year than it has even been before thanks to the Oscar nominated film "The King's Speech".  If I may piggyback on Mr. Heller and add a few more thoughts, I'd be my obliged.

I started stuttering around 2nd grade and have not stopped since.  There are days of good speech and months, years, moments of horrible debilitating stuttering.  At this point, I've just kind of accepted it as part of me and I've also been able to hide it enough that most people who have met me after college have no idea that I stutter. 

It's funny, (albeit in a cruel way) that a stutterer is chasing a career that relies on the mastery of speech and various vocal variations.  A peculiar and maddening aspect of stuttering is that no one really knows what causes it and there is no universally accepted way to fix it. I think that, because of that inherent issue people still don't fully understand what it is like to stutter.  For instance, I'm not blind, but I understand what it means to be blind.  Would you ever walk up to someone with a cane and tell them "Just see it!  It's right there, what is wrong with you!??!!?!?"

No, of course you would never do that, it would make you a monster of sorts.  So why then, is it socially acceptable for teachers, pathologists, parents, friends etc to say "Speak!  Just say it!" ? It's not that easy.

OK, I've been telling  you what stuttering isn't, now here is a list of some of the things that stuttering is

Stuttering is depressingly ironic:  When I was younger and I would begin to stutter, people would become very frustrated and yell "SPEAK!" to which I would immediately blurt out "It's not just that easy for me!"  How about that for humble pie.

Stuttering is PC to mock: Have you ever made fun of someone in a wheelchair?  Of course not.  (Even elementary school math text books go through great lengths to assimilate wheelchair bound people into those ridiculous cover shots of the black boy, the Asian chick, the geeky redhead and the Latino/possibly Arabic girl.  I promise you, there is always a kid in a wheelchair.)  WTF.  But it's totally cool to make fun of a stutterer.  I was once openly mocked by my 9th grade health teacher in the middle of class.  I had to read something out loud and I stuttered on "A".  I kept on saying "A A A A A A A A A A A A".  The health teacher blurted out "I guess the B never came."  The class found this to be hilarious.  Me, not so much.  I went into the bathroom and bawled my eyes out in the toilet stall.  I was late for my next class and got detention.  Awesome.  I could write a book about the times that I was made fun of, marginalized and insulted.  Shouldn't a health teacher be sensitive to stuttering?  Or at least...oh I dunno COGNIZANT of stuttering?

Stuttering is fattening:  It forces you to order food that you don't want.  "Turkey" used to be hard for me to say, so I would order a "BLT" without stuttering.  Thanks for raising my blood pressure and cholesterol, stuttering. I would also like to go to Mexican restaurants because I could just point to "chilequiles" on the menu and look puzzled at the waitress and she would write down my order because the gringo could read that word properly. 

Stuttering is a dictator:  It makes me say certain words.  I rarely say "other", I'll say "different" or even "'nother", like I'm a gold prospector or something. "There's gotta be 'nother way" /spits tobacco into bronze urn...puh-TING!

Stuttering is a meaning changer:  When you are as quick witted as I am, you want to say things as soon as the synapse occurs, of course this rarely happens.  This makes me constantly think a few lines ahead of where I am in the conversation, constantly planning different ways to say things in case I stutter.

Stuttering is my biggest fear: A lock up can happen at any time, so I am always on my toes and worried that I will be laughed at, lose a real estate client, lose a role, be perceived as weak/nervous/whatever.

Stuttering is like drowning:  When I stutter, my lungs and mouth feels like someone has grabbed me by my hair and is holding me under water, trying to murder me.  Think of the moment when all the air bubbles out of your mouth and nose and how hard you will be pursing your lips to keep the salty death out of  your lungs.  Bingo.  That's what it feels like to me. 

Stuttering has defined me:  It's who I am, it has shaped me, it has given me a sense of humor, it has forced me at a really young age to pick my friends wisely.

Stuttering is also ultimately my bag, my thing to deal with....so thanks for reading.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Onion Callback with the director

Well, that was fun!  Just came back from the offices for The Onion.  This was call backs for the moviegoer role that I blogged about a few entries ago.  I also received a new pair of sides to work on.  The new ones were particularly hilarious.  The idea is that google, in a tremendous display of power has messed with gmail rendering is useless and toying with google calendar etc.  Just the thought of google shutting down paralyzes me with fear.  I am not joking. The role of office worker was a "man on the street" blurb.  It was quite funny. 

Sidenote: do you even know anyone who doesn't have a gmail account?  The only person I know who still uses an AOL account is my Dad, but in his defense it's tied to a business and he has had it since 1997 or so.  He also has the same username on gmail that he uses often so I suppose it doesn't really count. 

Just last week, a real estate client of mine gave me her email account for getting in touch during the day.  It was a hotmail account.  Gross.  Perhaps mindspring has some novelty to it....but hotmail?  That just seems cheap to me.

The call back went very well, I did each line twice and they gave me adjustments between each take, and I feel as if I took them well and nailed the takes.  You can never tell, of course...but they do seem to bring me back often.  So it's just a question of me matching what they need in a performance. 

Hotmail?  Ew.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

An Actors Phobia: Getting "Medusa'd" by the CD

I was told in college that when I audition I should never make eye contact with the people assessing me.  Since this was my first time taking any kind of theatrical class and I was an impressionable 19 year old, I believed it.  I also carried this nasty habit with me through graduation and I finally rid myself of it about a year ago.

Who was the first person to make this "rule"?  This falsehood is accepted by so many people in show business, usually the people on my side of the lens.  People are so averse to looking a CD in the eye that I think they are afraid of being turned into stone, or as I call it.... "getting Medusa'd".

It's bullshit.  Complete and utter lies.  Acting (and admittedly I'm painting with a broad brush here) is about making a connection.  You either make a connection with your scene partner, or you make a connection with the people viewing your work.  You want them to feel with you and, in the lamest way possible.......buy that Hyundai*.

It's impossible to make a connection with someone if you are staring at something.  It doesn't matter if it's the most specific and tiniest crack on the wall, no one buys it.  No one will believe your dead mannequin eyes.  No one.  Make is easier on yourself and make a connection with a sentient being, and guess what....there's one standing right next to the camera.  

My acting coach told the class something yesterday that I thought was so wise.  "The whole thing [acting] is phony, they just keep calling it the truth."  When you talk to someone in real life, do you stare off into space?  Nope, of course not.  You look them in the eye and speak like a human being.

Do yourself a favor and be an actual human being when you audition. 

*Sorry Jeff Bridges, nothing personal.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Hey, Chris Cooper. You are really good at acting.

Hey....Hey Chris Cooper. I just wanted you to know that I think you are a really really (really) good actor.  I first saw you act in "American Beauty" where you portrayed that really hard line father of the protagonist.  The ex-Marine who collected Nazi memorabilia and turned out to be a closeted homosexual.  I thought that....well (uh oh, I'm blushing a bit) when you were so defeated in the scene with John Doman in "The Company Men" and you made yourself allllllmost cry but your character was so quietly and unassumingly masculine that you gulped it down.  Wow.  That was also really really great.  Mr. Cooper, I just wanted you to know....that....well, if I came across a magic genie, and the genie was all like "Hey, I will grant you a wish...just one."  I would probably be like "Well, let me think about this one."  And I'd think about it for a while, a few minutes probably, in silence.  I would emerge from said think tank of solace and say..."Hey, Genie.  I want an acting career where I am respected by my peers, work regularly and get to play awesome roles and am not swarmed by crazy fans*.  I am wishing for an acting career like Chris Cooper's."

Poof!  I'd get it, and it would be really fun, there would be much rejoicing.

Thanks.  I guess.  Now if you would please let me finish my meal, I would appreciate it.  Best of luck to you, by the way.

Ok....Thanks for that, BYE CHRIS COOPER!!!


*totally assuming this.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Sore body and a clear head

Man. This whole insane workout schedule is really tough. I knew it would be, no surprise there. My triceps are hurting, my back is hurting, my ankles are stiff in the AM and my head hurts from 6 rounds of sparring last night. Backing down is not an option.

I'm going proverbially balls to the wall until I drop another 20 pounds. If I lose another 20 pounds I will be very healthy. My cholesterol has dropped dramatically in the last year, but I want it even lower.  I have a lot of muscle/bulk left over from years of competitive weight training, so the weight I plan on dropping will mostly be fat.

I should start eating more fish. I love fish. I prefer it to most meat actually. I even like sardines, mackerel and bluefish....all those less glamorous fish are wonderful in a spicy tomato sauce with some crusty bread. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll eat more fish and I will have a first course of vegetables. I love vegetables! I love steamed and braised greens!  If I like the stuff I should have it more...it only makes sense.

As you can probably tell, it's pretty quiet on the acting front this week.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

King Henry The Four (loko) coming tomorrow.......

Be afraid....be very very afraid.  Starting tomorrow you will no longer go by the calendar as we know it.  You will describe things as being before tomorrow's debut or after tomorrow's debut. 

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I am slowly becoming a ginormous meathead

Who has two gym memberships?  Seriously?  I think besides me, maybe a tan juice head gorilla or two.  The kind of guy with a yin yang tattoo on his right shoulder an donning his back left shoulder...a panther tearing out of his flesh. (It's like a sick 3D tat, bro!)

Just four blocks away from our apartment is a gym that offers a bunch of MMA classes.  You can take however many of them you want for $39.95/month with no commitment.  The two boxing sessions a week did me well, but in order for me to cut more weight and live a long and happy life with my wife, I need to drop perhaps another 25-30 pounds. I'm going to take classes at this other place 3 other days a week.

/puts on sleeveless Affliction t-shirt

My goal is to be 225 by April 1st and 210 by June 1st.  I last weighed myself about 6 weeks ago and was 250 pounds.  I think I've dropped a bit since then.

/plucks eyebrows

Anyway, this other gym is pretty sick.  Tonight from 7-730 is a grappling class specifically geared towards MMA fighting styles.  Of course, I will NEVER ever spar in an MMA style.  Those dudes wear 4oz gloves!  What the heck could that do?  It essentially stops you from being cut on the first punch and that's about it.

/flexes tricep in the mirror

Wednesday is my acting class, so I can't workout that day.  Then on Thursday there is a MMA self defense class from 7-8 and then a bag work class from 8-845.  Friday I box and Saturday from 1030-1115 is MMA self defense followed up from 1115 to 12 is MMA style "XTREME CONDITIONING".

/shaves armpits

Bro, I'mma be mad savage in like 3 months. You don't even know, kid.  Shit is legit real quick.

/browses amazon.com for mexican steroids

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Onion Audition and "Call of Duty" SNAFU

I enjoyed auditioning for the onion this morning.  Since I was cast in episode 10 of the new show "Onion Sports Dome" I detect an elevated amount of friendliness over there coming my way.  I met their needs and now they are even nicer to me...which is......nice?  Yes, it's nice.  Anyway, I was there to read for an Internet webisode bit, and after my first take the CD gave me an adjustment.  I of course, being a consummate professional, took said adjustment.  He laughed.  It was.....nice.

"Great Phillip!  Let me get something else for you to read......I'm not sure what yet."
"OK, I'll just hang out for a bit."

And hang out I did.  For about 2 minutes.  I passed the time by reading the onion, of course. 

He came by with two more sides for me to work on.  After about 5 minutes of preparation, I went in again and nailed them both.  I guess it just comes down to whether they think I look like the part.  We'll see.  On a very positive note, the CD said "We'll see you soon!"

So that's pretty great.  They'll cast me in one of the three parts I read, or they'll  bring me back soon enough.  Hopefully both happen.

Additionally, as I waited for the uptown 6 train to take me to my real estate job, I noticed an advertisement for "Call of Duty".  For those of you who don't know, that is a video game where you play a soldier and you shoot people and take on various missions.  It's awesome.  It's a great game.  They do however, need to maybe tweak this campaign a bit, with the Tuscon tragedy still in the news.

Right?  I'm not alone on this one, yeah?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Weekend wrapup

Filming went really well with the guys from Gut Punch.  I edited down Falstaff's "sherry" monologue from Henry IV, ii and changed all references for sherry to four loko.  I think that this is going to turn out really great.  Here is a finished project we did as a spoof on Jersey Shore:

The Jersey Hulk from Crandall Miller on Vimeo.

After that, Mrs PhillyRay and I went over to a great friend's place for a delicious and overindulgent dinner and watched the Steeler's sick come from behind victory.  Great day.

My real estate clients' deal just got approved and they are signing leases tomorrow, which is really great and I have an audition tomorrow for the Onion again.  I guess they really like me over there!  Good stuff these last few days.  Here's to hoping this trend continues....

Friday, January 14, 2011

Audition/meeting and weekend acting plans

This week has been a busy one.  Not really for acting, but mostly for real estate.  Since things are slow at the moment, I decided to plug away at real estate this week and try to close some clients.  So far no applications or lease signings, but I have been meeting up with 3 people a day or so....which is a good amount for January.  Real Estate is similar to acting in the sense that one morning you wake up and have no prospects, then by lunch time things can be buzzing. 

This is a good thing because it helps me stay positive but that false sense of hope can serve as a drawback.  I try to ignore the latter and embrace the former.  So, I've been previewing apartments like a crazy banshee and have found some great deals.  I went to preview what was listed as a one bed for $2600 in a doorman building in Midtown East, and lo and behold, it was actually a 2 bedroom.  No brokers fee.  So I am marketing the Hades out of that place.  So far, nothing to show for it....but I do plan on showing it at least 3 more times today. 

This morning I traveled to Alphabet City to meet with a director/producer of a new show that is about people who went through a dramatic change.  I hope that my weight loss of 55+lbs is dramatic enough for these guys because people on the show receive a $5,000.00 wardrobe!  That would be really really great.  I recycled the same writeup that I sent to that Gold's Gym casting notice.  I hope I get this, because I am trying to turn that specific negative into a positive.

Tomorrow Gut Punch is filming the aforementioned Sherri-sack monologue fauxmercial.  I am also considering changing "sherry" to "loko" and "sherrysack" to "four loko".  It would be a lot more topical and with that insane caffeinated malt liquor receiving press lately, it could perhaps go viral. 

I originally mentioned this fauxmercial idea here.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Onion Sports Dome, Boxing, Black Swan and Rabbit Hole

Ok......I am a huge fan of the Onion Sports Dome.  The show is hysterical, and I am excited for my bit to get on there. (Fingers crossed it isn't cut)  They nailed SportsCenter so well.  Even the hosts look like they could really host SportsCenter.  They succeeded with the patter that anchors use on ESPN's flagship show.  Some highlights for me were: "The Who Would You Kill?" segment and the A-Rod musical, where an oiled up and sexually ambiguous latin man gyrates on the stage and sings about his hatred for "Eric Cheeter" and how much he wants to have sex with women.  Hysterical.  I laughed and also covered my mouth in shock a few times, it was really really funny.  It has a lead in of Tosh.0, which is really strong to have too.  I expect big things for this show. 

Boxing has been great to me, my weight loss and as a general outlet, but I gotta chill for a week.  My left wrist is still a bit tender from Monday a week ago.  We were sparring and I was pretty gassed.  There hadn't been class for 2 weeks or so because of the holidays and snowstorms etc.  My technique went out of the window and I rolled my left wrist when I threw a jab to my sparring partner's body.  I want to box for fitness indefinitely, so there is no reason to rush this recovery.  A solid week off should do wonders for me.  I'll just watch what I eat for the most part and I should be fine. 

"Black Swan" is absurd.  It's a fun movie, but the director just tried to shock people the entire time.  With that being said, the performances of the actors were really great.  Natalie Portman blew me away.  Mila Kunis was also excellent, and I was really captivated by Vincent Cassel and Barbara Hershey. 

"Rabbit Hole" is very sad but also very good.  I was especially taken by Miles Teller. 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Class etc.

My acting class has been on hiatus since a few days before Christmas.  We return tomorrow.  I have a scene in the works with a talented actress named Stacy.  We are putting up (for the second time) Clifford Odets' "Waiting for Lefty".  I really enjoy the scene, because a voice like Odets' is missing in today's playwright world.  Clifford captured the essence of the great depression in this play.  Stacy told me during rehearsal that "It makes her sad when she sees a family on the subway and I can just tell that the husband can't provide for them."  I believe I am paraphrasing a bit, but that's basically what it was about. 

Not being able to provide is a huge fear of mine, and I'm sure that I'm not alone.  I've had a few bad months here and there with regards to real estate or acting and when the rent is due, it's due.  So I try to channel those feelings and ride with that emotion.  "That" emotion for me is a mix of panic, self doubt, self loathing, perhaps some depression and general rage.  Few things in the world are worse then when I bust my hump the whole week and Friday, when checks are cut....I have nothing to show for it.  That is one long and slow train ride home, let me tell you. 

The character in the scene is "Joe".  Joe is a cabby, he has a wife and two children.  He arrives home to find his wife in the apartment, but all of the furniture is gone.  All of their possessions have been repossessed.  His wife put the kids to bed "so that they wouldn't know they missed dinner."  Then, of course, fireworks ensue between Joe and his wife, Edna.  Joe threatens domestic violence.  Edna calls Joe a "four star loser" and tells him that she is going to pay a visit to an old flame of hers, who is prospering.  "He still keeps a picture of me in a locket on his chain!"

Emasculated, robbed and cuckolded; Joe's back is up against the wall.  This is just the second scene of the play, and the first time the audience sees these two characters!  We are set to rehearse today for about an hour.  Those are two benefits of being a rental agent: an open schedule and access to empty apartments. I haven't had to pay for rehearsal space in years!  Last time we put up the scene, it was lacking conflict, and that was my mistake.  Today and tomorrow night during class, I'm going to let it rip.  I'm going to toss technique out of the window and allow the scene to take me wherever it does.  It's going to be visceral and I will lose myself in it.

More to come: Black Swan and 8 rounds of boxing sparring.  Today, tomorrow, or the day after....stay tuned.