Acting, writing and producing; SUCCESS!!!!

Joe Bastianich, a very successful restauranteur and entrepeneur said in his NY Times profile "Art without commerce is a hobby." 

Ouch!  It stings!  But that's because it is oh-so true. 

I am proud to admit that Gut Punch is now, technically speaking, a boutique ad agency with real clients.  I love our current client.  I love their idea; I think it's genius.  I gotta tell you, it feels really effing great.  Here is what we made.  And now a word about Gut Punch's sponsor: Pongr.

The major problem I have with applications like Four Square is that there isn't any real world recognition, that, and the fact that if people know you are somewhere else, they could in theory, rob your home.  On to the real world recognition part, you "check in" at a bar enough times and you become the mayor of that bar.  That's cool.......I suppose.

But wouldn't you like to take pictures of you enjoying your favorite brand, such as Brooks Brothers?  You take a picture of you wearing brooks brothers, or a picture of the golden fleece logo etc, you get the idea here and you send it out to the Pongr universe.  Eventually, your rank in the company grows and  you can get free stuff.

Who wouldn't want a crisp, sharp Brooks Brothers tie?  I would love one.

So check it out people, it's fun! 

You can lead a _____ to water, but you can't make him drink.

You thought that the "______" was horse, right?  Wrong, it's "the client who employs the casting director".  A few days ago I mentioned that I had a commercial audition for Guinness beer, and I even gave my loyal reader(s) a dramatic reenactment. 

Today I received a call from the on-camera faction of my commercial agency notifying me of a call-back for said Guinness commercial.  It was a call-back for a national spot PLUS internet.  This could be a 6 figure job.  HOLY POTATOES! I thought.  I breathed a sigh of relief because at that time my career was on the right track.  Day player role on Comedy Central last week, call back for national spot tomorrow. 

5 minutes later my phone rang again.  My call-back had been cancelled.  The air left the room and I took a seat.  The rest of the conversation I can't really recall, but I am sure I was cordial and understanding.  After all, my agency didn't fubar on the call-back, the client, Guinness, did.  Clients often don't know what they want or what they are looking for and change their minds all the time.  When I auditioned, the hero was to be a celebrity, now it's a basketball player.

What was the specific reason for my call-back cancellation? I am too tall.  The Guinness drinking heroes of the spot will be professional basketball players, and they want the bland beer drinkers to be shorter.  I am six foot three.

Everyone is short compared to Patrick fucking Ewing.  I am now drinking whiskey. 

Sad?  Yes.  Broken?  No.  Half in the bag?  Hell yeah.

But I can now rejoice in the fact that two casting directors in NYC would hire me based on my acting skills.  Now it's just a question of intangibles falling into place.

SAG AFTRA and AEA: To join or not to join?

Sometimes you don't even have a choice.  Look, I am a union guy.  I believe that actors should earn fair wages.  After all, coming up, we are the most ripped off profession in the world.  Just do a quick google search and you will see "networking seminars" on sale for $500+!  These seminars make outrageous claims like "You will have a huge career jump" or "You will brush shoulders with the who's who of the casting world." 

Lies I tell you, lies!

If these seminars were marketed towards any other profession they would be shut down and the organizers would be incarcerated.  I'm serious.  You can't charge money for an interview!  That is essentially what they are doing, too.  They call is "networking" - bullshit!  It's a friggen interview.  End rant.

The point of the above rant is that, by joining an acting union, you are making a stand for fair wages for fair work.  You are making a stand that employers should not only pay you for the day, but they should allocate a portion of that cost to your pension.  By joining a union you are effectively shoving your middle finger in the face of clip joints like "The Network" and "Actors Connection." 

Monday night, when I was on the phone with The Onion CD's and being offered a role, I was asked if I belonged to AFTRA.  I told them no, I belong to SAG.  They asked me if I was a "must join".  I told them "I don't think so." "If you were a must join, would you join?" 

Of course I would.  This would be the first job landed with my legit agency and I needed to get the ball rolling with them and I'd like to get in good with The Onion, as I love their sense of humor and they seem to bring actors back for repeat work.  What is a "must join?" You ask.  I answer: when an actor does an AFTRA job, he/she has 30 days to do as much AFTRA work as possible, then starting on the 31st day, if you want to work AFTRA jobs again you must join their cause, you must join AFTRA.  It's totally fair and I agree with it.  It also costs $1600.00 - so the good news is that I can now join AFTRA because I forgot that 2-3 years ago a JVC commercial I did was AFTRA.  Check it out here, it's the first clip on my comedic reel.  So unbeknownst to me, as of 31 days after March whatever 2008, I was an AFTRA must join. 

Since I was cast late Monday night, well after AFTRA was closed, The Onion was not able to get a definitive answer and I was unable to give them the correct answer.  That was my bad.  Either way I would have done the job and assured them that I would join AFTRA.  I hope they didn't get too much of a scare when they were notified that they had indeed cast a "must join" actor and was already on set.  Geeze, woe is me. 

So I will join AFTRA this week.  Mrs PhillyRay and I talked about this and she had a funny remark.  "Do you have anymore acting clubs to join or is that it?"  Ha, no worries Dawn, this is it. 

PhillyRay actor and card carrying member of SAG since 2005, AEA since 2009, AFTRA since 2010. 

I was a professional actor today.

Well, that was fast.  Yesterday as I was leaving my boxing class, I heard my cell ringing.  It was the casting office for the onion.  What I auditioned for earlier in the day had been pushed up to tomorrow and I was being offered the role.  I took it in a heartbeat of course!

Within an hour I had a finalized script emailed to me in addition to two alternate lines.  I also received my call time, I was to get in a 6:15am van at 14th and Broadway the very next morning.  Mrs. PhillyRay and I went out for a bite to eat to celebrate.

I felt joyous, at peace and relaxed.  It felt totally calm. I felt like I did on my wedding day.  Everything was falling into place, if only for a little bit.  It felt great.  I barely slept at all last night I was so excited.  Today was pure adrenaline and the shooting itself took about 2-3 minutes.  We filmed in Long Island, and it was supposed to be Cleveland.  I arrived around 7am, had breakfast at the truck, went on a van back to holding, filled out 4 identical contracts, had wardrobe check me and sat until it was time to go.  Go-time was around 12 noon. 

I will recap more for everyone tomorrow, as I have to memorize an audition piece that I'm gonna use on Thursday. 

Tomorrow's recap: a must-join AFTRA saga and learning to take a little sour with your sweet. 

I have new headshots now...

...be warned NYC casting directors, I have new headshots and sharpened acting skills. 

I have a spring in my step today.

I shaved my face this morning.  I woke up early(ish).  Made a hearty breakfast of three scrambled eggs with hot sauce, three turkey sausages and had some espresso.  I even showered, combed my hair, brushed my teeth and put on my new dress shirt.  I realize that these are things that most of you - and by "you" I mean my <10 loyal readers - do every single day.....but for me its all about the baby steps.  (shout out to bill murray in "what about bob").  What's missing today?  Gee, I'm not sure......let's go to the videotape. 

Get out of my head! Seriously.

Now I'm just plain mad.  You have entered my brain for the last time Casting Directors. 

NYC Casting Directors, I reneg my surrender and issue you a statement:

Here it is.  Watch it, and also watch your backs. The finger is coming for you......

OK, NYC casting directors.....I surrender.

You've won (golf clap)  Great job NYC casting directors.  You should be proud of yourselves.  Leave a comment if you want to redeem your prize (a coupon for one at a Sizzler's restaurant - location of your choice).

Congratu-friggen-lations.

I  hope you are happy.  I am hoping that you are happy, because I know you will never be sad.  Because you can't feel pain.  Because you aren't humans.  You can't be.  There's no way you have 99% the same DNA as a monkey, or 97% the DNA of a fish (I forget the exact percentage for fish, but you get the gist).  If you don't get the gist here is the gist.....in video form.  (one more time...gist) I love that word)).

 

Ok, seriously....NYC casting directors - you should watch this.

I have a new haircut to increase my marketability.  Additionally, I have a new facial trick to show you. Put on your helmet, because I am about to blow your mind (proverbially).

I'm also available for birthday parties.

And Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. If your dog is now 13 years old, we can have a bark mitzvah. (shows self the door)