Audition/meeting and weekend acting plans

This week has been a busy one.  Not really for acting, but mostly for real estate.  Since things are slow at the moment, I decided to plug away at real estate this week and try to close some clients.  So far no applications or lease signings, but I have been meeting up with 3 people a day or so....which is a good amount for January.  Real Estate is similar to acting in the sense that one morning you wake up and have no prospects, then by lunch time things can be buzzing. 

This is a good thing because it helps me stay positive but that false sense of hope can serve as a drawback.  I try to ignore the latter and embrace the former.  So, I've been previewing apartments like a crazy banshee and have found some great deals.  I went to preview what was listed as a one bed for $2600 in a doorman building in Midtown East, and lo and behold, it was actually a 2 bedroom.  No brokers fee.  So I am marketing the Hades out of that place.  So far, nothing to show for it....but I do plan on showing it at least 3 more times today. 

This morning I traveled to Alphabet City to meet with a director/producer of a new show that is about people who went through a dramatic change.  I hope that my weight loss of 55+lbs is dramatic enough for these guys because people on the show receive a $5,000.00 wardrobe!  That would be really really great.  I recycled the same writeup that I sent to that Gold's Gym casting notice.  I hope I get this, because I am trying to turn that specific negative into a positive.

Tomorrow Gut Punch is filming the aforementioned Sherri-sack monologue fauxmercial.  I am also considering changing "sherry" to "loko" and "sherrysack" to "four loko".  It would be a lot more topical and with that insane caffeinated malt liquor receiving press lately, it could perhaps go viral. 

I originally mentioned this fauxmercial idea here.

My office is strange

We have a weekly meeting at my real estate job.  It's usually a mix of pep rally and fire and brimstone speeches.....and breakfast!  Usually, the office manager will walk across the street to Dunkin Donuts and get a box of joe or two and some bagels and call it a day.  No one really complains.  Its bagels and decent coffee.   Well.  Today, we ordered kosher food from a woman essentially operating out of her apartment kitchen.  Sounds gross and skeevy right?  Right.  But its KOSHER AND THEREFORE DEVOID OF BACON AND HAS BEEN BLESSED BY A RABBI! (So it must be good, right?)  Keep in mind this is 930 in the morning. 

Tartar sauce as a salad dressing killed me.  Murdered me.  It makes sense though......clams are not kosher, so how would they know that tartar sauce and fried clams are a match made in Goy heaven?  They would not.

Real Estate is funny.

Funny weird, not funny ha ha. 

There are many doorman buildings in the Murray Hill section and Midtown East section of Manhattan.  To make their properties seem more exclusive, landlords give the buildings a name.  Seriously.  I know it sounds stupid, I know it is basically, how does the saying go?  Ah yes, "putting lipstick on a pig".  Or was is "Polishing the turd"?  Anyway, it must work because when I tell people that they are going to see an apartment in "Dorchester Towers" I hear a little "Ooh" as opposed to we are going to 236 E 36th Street. 

Here is an example of names of buildings, and I will provide those names with a weird contrast.....

On E 46th Street, there is a building called "The Ambassador".  This building is located 25 yards away from the UN, but the management does not allow diplomats.  Huh?

On Lexington Avenue in the 30's there is a 20 story building called "Lexington Towers".  20 stories is kind of tall, I guess.....but across the street are twin buildings that are 35+ stories tall.  Suddenly "Lexington Towers" seems to be compensating for something.  I suppose that something is a diminutive Indonesian doorman who can not speak English. 

On E 52nd street there is a building called "Rivercourt".  There are no clear river views and the building is 2 avenues and a quasi-highway away from the East River. 

On E 47th street there is a building called "Embassy House".  The problem?  You guessed it.  No diplomats allowed.  Well, unless they pay the year up front and sign away their immunity status.  Ha, like that'll ever happen.

Yesterday I saw a building called "The Mango".  Ha.  I'm serious about that one.  I decided to preview it and take pictures because I found the name to be in the very least humorous and in the very most refreshing and almost self deprecating.

Slow week

So I am back at my real estate desk just straight up chillin'.  And by "chillin'" I mean, previewing aparmtents and making nifty videos that I advertise with.....don't believe me?  There is one below.  CAUTION: Prepare to at the same time, hear excellent acting and diction as well as just a subtle, subtle hint of "Wow, I really don't want to do this with my life."  But hey, I have to flex the acting muscles anyway. 




BTW, if you know someone who makes over $80,000 per annum and wants to rent a one room apartment, be sure to send them my way, because I juuuuust might know of  a place.

Work as a broker
Flexibility is great!
Don't strangle clients

Gut Punch Pre-Production: Actors, Directors, Producers all have to roll with the punches

Our initial top location choice looks like it's a big no-no.  The insurance has not come through, heaven forbid something should happen.  There will only be 8 of us or so, but still.....it just takes one light to fall on someones head and all of a sudden Arnold Diaz has us on "Shame on you!".  So as a well connected and well oiled comedy production teams are known to do, we fired off a few e-mails to each other and came up with another location.  We are now going to film in the penthouse of an advertising agency.  Supposedly, its all red and white in there, very mod.  This should go pretty well. 

Gut Punch is excited to earn actual money as a creative agency.  Ha.  This is life imitating art, and not the other way around.  I cast three background actors and I suppose I'll offer my services as a grip for the production.  I might even do the VO, this remains to be solidfied.  "Grip" for those of you who don't know are part of the production crew.  They are on the other side of the camera.  They carry things around: sandbags, lights, stands etc.  Hence the term, "grip". 

No auditions this week, but as always I have to perform, so I resumed making video tours with witty commentary for apartment ads on craigslist.  Here is the video:



If you are looking for a 2 bed that can convert to a three bed in the Upper West Side of Manhattan, oh boy.....do I have a deal for you!

The wait...

My life is full of waiting. For those of you who know me, you know that I also work as a rental real estate agent in NYC. I've been at the same brokerage for the last 3+ years. I lovingly refer to it as "Masad Property Group". It's me surrounded by 30+ 25-35 year olds frmo Tel Aviv. Its like the "Wild and Crazy guys" SNL sketch, but with AmEx black cards....its like........Did you ever see that career builder commercial with the legions of hopping, howling and flailing chimpanzees? If yes, read on. If no, click here, and then read on. So that's what my office is like.

The middle eastern mentality, specifically the Israeli mentalilty has saturated my office. At times its great (they all earn great money and it pushes me to succeed). But certain things like....oh, i dont know......flushing the toilet....ever, seems to escape them. There is also a notable absence of what I call "predication words". Predication words are used in business to make things seem more palatable, but more often than not, they are used because the speaker has no ballz. The z was intentional. Statements in typical American business are like this "Kindly close this client when you have the moment vis-a-vis our initial discussion." Israeli business sounds like this "You take apartment now! Good deal! Yes!"

I really do enjoy most of my co-workers. I especially enjoy my broker. He is a total shark, but for some reason he has a soft spot for me, and I usually come and go when I please, provided that I check in every now and then. All of you actor/waiters or substitute teacher/waiters have it all wrong. Real estate is the only way to go for NYC actors.

Now, here is where the waiting kicks in. I have a client that I have been working with off and on for the last 4 months. He is a married dude with a condo in a swanky UES location. He has a McMansion in the Hamptons, his daughter is an amateur equestrian, he has a midtown office. He is also banging his assistant. He wants to take a "corporate apartment" around the corner from his home. Okay.....corporate apartment, right. But I dont know what implicit, or for that matter, explicit understandings he and his wife have together. All I know is this guy is willing to pay 6K+ a month for a bang pad. He has been stringing me along for a few days about putting in an application in a swanktastic 2 bedroom. He was supposed to show up a half an hour ago, to put in an appliation. Ring ring. PhillyRay picks up the blackberry. Oh, its his assistant. She tells me that she is trying to convince him to take a smaller apartment because "Who knows where he will be in a year." (Are they getting a divorce?)

Hey assistant, go fuck yoursefl.

#1 she is a home wrecker, and I am willing to turn the other cheek on that. But now she is trying to be a deal breaker. Nuh-uh. Not cool. Is she afraid that him spending an extra 6K a month will take away from their candlelight dinners at Le Bernadin? It smells so.