Haiku

When the going gets tough (and trust me, it has been getting tough) the tough write funny Haiku potery to get themselves through the day.  It's cheaper than plastic bottle vodka and it's good to flex the mind muscle. 

Rafiqi's Halal
Lamb Jalfrezi and a coke
OMG the pain!
***
Magic Johnson: AIDS
Landed a nighttime talk show!
(The key to success)
***
Work as a broker
Flexibility is great
Don't strangle clients
***
Cowboy schadenfreude
Giants? Ok, but Jaguars?
That is pathetic
***
Astoria life:
Greeks, Balkans and Muslims can...
All agree on lamb
***
"Whiskey bar" is like...
Disneyland for drunks, truly.
Depressing at lunch
***
Old Women, cougars
There is a difference, babe
Cougars: 1%
***
Hey you on the bus
You talk way too loud, for real
No one cares you twit!
***
Auto Mechanics
Either call you "chief", "big man"
Or "pal" then bill you
***
This isn't for school
Buy some M&M peanuts
Keep me off the streets
***

Actors need to have a "bullcrap meter" and a video demonstration

You need to know when you are faking it and when the emotion is real.  One of the biggest things I continue to struggle with is the realization that I am already good enough.  I don't have to create an emotion.  I don't have to make an extra this or an extra that.  If the emotion is there, great, just walk into it - so to speak.  But it's been a challenge for me not to conjure up some kind of an emotion when  I believe the scene calls for it.   When you've been trained so long in a certain thought, it becomes hard to break such old habits.

Boo hoo, woe is me and all that bunk.

And frankly, casting directors know when you are faking it; they see acting all day and there is no fooling them.  So don't fake it!  That way, at least they can call you an honest performer. 

One of the things that helps me rid this nasty habit is a recently installed "bullcrap meter".  Whenever the needle moves, I stop and start over again from a few lines before.  It's been hard to install said meter, because I naturally want to make progress and blast through the piece - but my coach has made it obvious when his needle moves.  There I am, in the middle of a piece,  in front of the intimate acting class.  I'm just chillin', siting in a metal folding chair and then......

"Nope!  Start again." says Steve


Ok, I'll start again, I think.... 

"Ap! Ap! Ap! Ap! Ap!" instructs Steve


Oh boy, I guess I'll take that again.

"No Phillip, again." Steve rebukes


Ok man, just breathe you can do this, just speak! 

"Hot Damn!  One more time just like that." Steve encourages (!)


Focus....and here it goes...

"Ha!  You son-of-a-bitch you!" 


So here is my bullcrap meter hard at work as I wrestle a Iago monologue from "Othello".  Obviously, ones bullcrap meter is always subject to calibration. [UPDATE: I now realize that I left out a line '....mere prattle without practice is all his soldiership.  but he sir, had the election] followed by: and i, whose eyes had seen the proof....  Oh well, I'm not embarassed, it's not like it's on the internet for the whole world to see.

Fiction writing

There are a few students that work with me at the real estate brokerage.  One guy had a small assignment and had me answer the questions for him.  I said yes, but I also said, "You do know that I'm nuts, right?"  He mumbled yes and here is what I wrote.  You can get a sense of what the questions are by how I restated the question in the answer.  Yeah, I'm smart like that.  One and a half of these stories are true.  I'll let you judge which one(s) is which. 

There have been a few times in my life when I felt awkward and/or unsure of myself at a social gathering.  One time that has stayed in my mind (and perhaps never shall leave) is when I was at Webelo camp as a 4^th grader.  Webelos are essentially Jr. Boy Scouts.  The name stands for We Be Loyal Scouts.  I was the only kid in the “Den” who did not go to school with everyone else.  I went to private school and these kids were not exactly rough and tumble, but they did go to public school.  They made me stay in my tent when they had smores and wouldn’t let me come out.  When the DenMaster (who was one of the kids Dads) found out about this, he blew a gasket and had me hang out with the same kids who ostracized me.  It was terribly awkward.  They clearly did not want to hang out with me and I was of course, intimidated.  I tried to break the ice by telling a joke but I stuttered.  That was my last year as a Webelo. 

  
I love spending time alone.  It’s nice to take care of things around the house and have some “me time”.  While I do enjoy spending time with my friends (both in real life and online), I feel the most comfortable chilling by myself.  I keep a diary and have done so since about the 2^nd grade.  One of my favorite activities is to read a random passage and then try to write a short story about what I read.  I currently boast a collection of about 400+ short stories.

I have totally “bombed” an attempt at trying to strike up a conversation with a stranger.  2 springs ago I had a long beard and gave up my earthly possessions, save a shovel and a 20lb bag of rice.  I saw a father with his son in the parking lot.  The son was dressed up for a Boy Scout gathering and it really struck a chord with me.  I saw my childhood flash before my eyes, smoreless Phillip and all.  I approached the father and son, holding my shovel and with a scraggly beard and stuttered out, “C-c-c-c-cute Kid.”  The father pulled his son away from me and threatened to call the cops. 

 I have felt left out of group activities a few times.  I used to be a judge for youth chili cook-offs.  One time, another judge called my palate into question and did not allow me to taste any chili.  This was a rather dark time in my life and judging the chili was all that I had.  He and the other 2 judges physically restrained me from coming to the judges table, I felt like the wind was taken out of my sails.  (I have never sailed, but I imagine the metaphor works).  I will never talk to those three men again, even if they are my uncles.